Wordless Wednesday: The Best Doctor's Note NSFW

I'm Not Having Twins But...

I've gotta tell you, I've always wondered how the mothers of multiples do it. I'm not even talking about a freakish amount of children, I am impressed by the matriarchs who handle twins!

Today, I had the privilege of watching Ari's best friend, Nelson, while his mama returned to work. And when I say the "privilege," it's because he is seriously the easiest kid to hang out with. I'm not just saying that, it's objectively true.

So, effectively, today it was as if I had twins. Two boys, the same age with the same rambunctious energy.

Wil offered to help with the changing of diapers. I was thrilled! He also said that if he was sleeping to "only wake him up if it was an emergency," and an "emergency" was not considered the following statement:"Ari pooped in his pants!"

When Nelson arrived, Ari was still sleeping. So he made himself at home.

Then Ari woke up, and the boys ate breakfast together, and (more importantly) had some milk. Ari, of course, had chocolate milk and Nelson settled on the old fashioned kind.

Then Nelson's milk became one with the couch.

This pleased Ari very much.

They were so excited, they spontaneously decided to dance.

In the process of this tomfoolery, there was a car wreck in the kitchen.

Don't worry, no passengers were hurt.

We decided it was time to visit Ari's grandparents who live only a few flights downstairs. Unfortunately, there was a strange man fixing the washing machine, so we had to make other arrangements. Ari convinced me to go to the playground. He said he would sit in the stroller if Nelson agreed to push him. Nelson obliged.

Nelson pushed Ari the whole way to the playground! I was very impressed. When we got to the playground, he knew his job was done.

And so Ari and Nelson played.



And drank water...with some assistance...

They also got soaking wet.

When we got home, I asked some random police officer to take a picture of me and my "twin boys." He confided in me that he was in the process of fostering a 2 month old baby. I wished him well.

Please excuse my fat pregnant a$$.

We arrived home, and it turns out (while the boys were waiting for their clothes to dry in the dryer) that Ari's Jewish Grandmother was available...with pizza!

After pizza was consumed and clothes were dry, we headed back upstairs for naps.




But Ari was goofing around too much to stay in the same room as Nelson. So he had to be moved to his own room for sleepy time.

And then this happened:

Okay, so they're not really twins. But I have to say, I think I did a damn good job keeping after these two energetic toddlers. What a day!

F#$$ You Hormones!

Today I got upset. I can't disclose the details of why I got upset, because they reveal events to come. But I was so upset that I started bawling. Wil got the brunt of this "upset-ness" because he was there.

I happen to still be at his family's house, so I was lying there in his sister's bed crying. I called Mint. It went straight to voicemail. I called my dad.

My dad was the rational brain I needed, since (at the moment) I have no brain. The fetus is sucking all life from me.

He calmed me down. I laughed. I hung up. After I was done talking to my dad on the phone, Wil's sister continued to calm me down in person.

Then it occurred to me, that my hormones had taken over. I had legitimate things to be upset about, but the level of upset that I got was disproportionate. It was then that I knew, It must be my hormones!

When us women-folk get our periods, it lasts for approximately five days, and then we become human again. Pregnancy (on the other hand) is like a nine month long period equipped with erratic and uncontrollable mood swings.

So, I would like to address my hormones for a moment:

Hormones, I have something to say...F$$$ you!

The 6am Argument

Wil and I frequently get into stupid fights about nothing. This morning at 6am Texas time, Ari spontaneously woke up (after we'd both gone to sleep at 1am) and so began the 6am argument.

I made Ari a bagel with peanut butter, and he proceeded to smear peanut butter all over my "sister-in-law's" bed. I pointed this out to Wil and he said:

"Then clean it up! This is not our house!"
"Don't talk to me like that!" I snapped back.
"Maybe I should cut my vocal cords out, because you never like how I talk to you!"

And then, everything went crazy. The last thing I said (before I fled the bedroom) was:
"I want to go home!"

I ended up locking myself in the bathroom and crying because I am a huge drama queen.
He said sorry a million times, but I kept telling him that he didn't mean it and called him all sorts of horrible names.

Then I made myself some coffee and dragged Ari and Ari's grandpa to the playground with me to get away from the 6am argument.

Eventually, I decided to forgive Wil, because I'm too tired to care anymore.

Now I wanna know, what's the stupidest argument you've ever had?

Real Life Sarah: An Interview

I like my name, Sarah. When I meet other "Sarah's" I always ask them if they have an "h" at the end of their name or not. If they do, we bond instantly.

"With an 'h' or without?" I ask
"With!" New found Sarah replies
"It's the only way to be!" I shoot back.

When I found "Real Life Sarah" online, I didn't need to ask her if the "h" was there, because I saw it with my own eyes. I knew we would be friends.

Our alliance was further confirmed when I saw a video of her shoving baby carrots up her nose.

Sarah is a mom blogger and the host of Mom TV, a popular youtube channel. But I'll let Sarah Pinnix AKA Real Life Sarah tell you the rest!

1. Sarah, Tell us about yourself.

I am a Work at Home Mom of three girls, with a wonderful husband whom I'm thankful for. (NO, you can't have him!) I'm a singing, dancing, slightly wacky, but very friendly person!

2. Tell us about your kids.

Hip Chick (9) is a thoughtful and tender heart. She loves to dance and read, and spend time by herself. How in the world did I give birth to an introvert? Princess (7) is a Live-Out-Loud, out of the box child who loves to make things, design clothes, and laugh incessantly. Little Pea (4.5) is the typical third child! She is sticky sweet and strong as an ox (temperamentally, that is)! She'll steal our heart, but you better not EVER interrupt her! I use these nicknames on the internet to try to shield them from possible humiliation as teens.

3. How did you get started in the world of social media? What did you do before you were a Blogger?

I was a Public School Music Teacher for 4 years after getting a vocal music degree in college. Then, after having my first daughter, I taught private piano and voice lessons. I fell in love with Blogging in 2007, and as my children started school, I wanted to be available for them in the afternoons. So I gave up my music teaching to pursue my passion in web publishing, blogging and video hosting! Always the teacher, I now do workshops and consulting for other bloggers and businesses.

4. What made you choose the name "Real Life Sarah"?

As I was reading blogs in the beginning, I gravitated toward those that were more "real." I get kind of vomit-y when people pretend to be perfect and make everyone else feel inadequate. I also didn't want to constrict my blog to "Mom" stuff; I wanted to include every aspect of life. Then, there is the faith component. I have truly found "Real Life" in my faith in Jesus, and I want to share that with people. I usually don't overtly write about religion or "preach," but I hope that it comes out in everything I do, from making cheap dinners to wiping boogers!

5. What is MomTV?

MomTV.com is a community of moms sharing videos, photos, discussions, and blog posts online. Think of it as the "You Tube" for moms, where everyone has their own "channel." Moms can import their RSS Feeds, Flickr Stream, and You Tube Videos and get to know other moms! You can also embed videos on your blog directly from MomTV, removing the uncertainty in content appropriateness of readers clicking through to You Tube. The super fun thing about MomTV is that they have several LIVE shows each day! Viewers can tune in and chat with the host, ask questions and share tips! It's fun!

6. What do you like about Vlogging?

I love vlogging because it gives you instant personal credibility with each other. Reading a text post, the reader can imagine any inflection, tone, facial expressions the writer might make. In vlogging, you can really get to know the blogger, so that when you read his/her words, you can envision it how the author would say it! Video also gives so much more opportunity for humor! I use facial expressions, voices (and I've been known to wear a wig) when trying to be funny. That would definitely not work with writing!


7. What advice would you give to moms interested in entering the world of blogging/vlogging?

• Read a lot of blogs first, and decide your focus, mission statement and tone. If your blog will have a niche focus, read the blogs in that niche and figure out what NEW element you can bring to the space.
• Choose your name carefully. Google it incessantly to make sure it's original. Remember, presumably it will have to stick with you throughout your life stages so don't box yourself in too much.
• If you are new at vlogging, go visit Jendi at www.simplevloggingtips.com! She is terrific at explaining things from the beginning!
  

8. Lastly, if you were describe yourself in three words what would they be and why?

• Renaissance (I still can't spell that without looking it up): I am always trying new endeavors.
• Spaztastic: If you're ever around me in real life, you'll know.
• Real: What you see is what you get.

Thanks Real Life Sarah with an "h!" For more information on Sarah Pinnix and MomTV, click here.

Scary Mommy Likes Me!

I am proud to report that my post entitled "A Letter to Society" has been selected by Scary Mommy. It's pretty intense, so get ready.

See you over there.

The Maid of Honor Dress and A Special Surprise

I mentioned in a prior post, that Ari is going to be the ring bearer in Mint and Mike's wedding. I will be in the wedding party as Mint's Maid of Honor.

Today my mom, Ari and I went into Manhattan to try on my Maid of Honor dress. It was a bit tricky finding a dress because I am becoming increasingly more pregnant by the minute. But Mint and I managed to find a really pretty option.

It's not a maternity dress, per say, but it has a empire waist and can account for an expanding belly. As I was undressing, one of the sales ladies at the dress shop asked me about my tattoo.

She said "It's kind of ironic that you have a Hebrew word tattooed on your body. I'm Jewish and you aren't allowed to be buried in a Jewish cemetery if you have tattoos."

I explained to her that I was Jewish too, and my tattoo has special significance to me. Then we got into a long discussion about religion versus spirituality. After our scintillating conversation came to a close, she offered to take a picture of me in my Maid of Honor dress. Here's how I looked:

Alright, I'll come a little closer.


I have to go back a couple of weeks before the wedding to have it altered because of my rapidly growing fetus.

After I managed to peel the dress off of me (with help from the sales ladies) I was starving. So my mom treated me to the most expensive kosher hamburger and fries I've ever had. My order came to a whopping $16.00.

And look how small the hamburger was:

But look how big the fries were:

And check out the enormous bag the whole meal came in:

The guy preparing my order was really nice. I told him I was pregnant and needed some bread immediately before I fainted. So he gave me two slices of rye and threw in a pickle for good measure.

I felt much better after I ate and so did my mystery baby. As we drove home, Ari finished all of the french fries.

Check back here tomorrow as I will be guest posting on a famous mom blog. Details to come!